Freedom from Bondage
“Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised.”
Ben
Our desire in sharing what God has done in our hearts and lives is to give courage to those who are in bondage, trapped in the strongholds of the enemy. “That the eyes of your understanding being enlightened, that ye may know what the hope of his calling is, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of his power to usward who believe according to the working of his mighty power.” (Eph 1:18, 19)
God’s desire is that His children walk in freedom and peace, having faith to believe He is able to overcome and remove any obstacles or hindrance in our lives.
I grew up in a religious setting in a family of twelve children. I learned many valuable things while I was a child, especially from my mother. Through the books my parents provided, I developed a hunger and a thirst for God, for salvation and for a new heart and life. These things were not taught openly. Because of this, I floundered for several years.
Rachel
I also was born and raised in a conservative religious setting. We were taught many good things and values, which I am thankful for today. One thing that was lacking was the peace of God that comes through the new birth.
I grew up in a home that was full of worry and fear. This passed on to us children. I have been a fearful person all my life. It was always hard for me to trust God. I looked at God as being a hard taskmaster who would condemn or punish me as soon as I did something wrong.
As I grew older, I had questions about what it means to be born again. These questions were never answered. Instead, the preachers preached, “You can’t know that you’re saved and that your sins are forgiven.” I was also told that people who claim assurance of salvation are deceived. I was warned to stay away from such people and their doctrines.
I brought these questions and longings of my heart into my married life. The testimony and witness of neighbors spoke to me. I had a longing to have the peace I saw in their lives. Over a period of a few years, God sent Christians across my path and allowed many circumstances to happen that increased this thirst. I was beginning to have the longings of my heart answered. My search for answers increased.
Ben
During this time, Rachel had longings to attend meetings or Sunday evening services in other churches. She at times mentioned this to me. I always resisted this because it was against the rules of the church. This began to bring tension and frustration into our marriage. Rachel didn’t know what to do. She was searching for something to meet the needs in her life and was not finding it where we were. Through the counsel of one of our neighbors, she submitted to my wishes and no longer mentioned going to meetings.
After this God started working in my heart. I was brought to the realization that I was lost and all my righteousness could never give me a new heart. One day, in desperation, I cried out to God, “I need help. I don’t know which way to go. My way is not working. Please send the Holy Spirit to show me the way.” I told God I would do anything if only He would show me what is right and what I need to do. A few days later God gloriously answered my prayer in a way I never dreamed possible. God’s Spirit came and completely changed and filled me. Praise the Lord! In the following days as I read the Bible, God revealed truth to my soul. I marveled repeatedly. I asked God, “Why didn’t I see these things before?”
Rachel
After Ben was born again and people found out about it, we faced opposition from family and friends. This was very stressful for me, as I was close to both our families and to my cousins. My fear and worry problems increased, and I began to have health problems. I was unable to eat or sleep for three days and ended up going to the hospital. I was treated and sent home. After going somewhere else for treatments and told how to treat these stomach disorders, I was able to relax and sleep again.
Soon after this, we started attending another church. They preached the Gospel, salvation in Christ alone. I realized I was not ready to meet God. I cried out to God to forgive me and to give me the assurance of my salvation. God gave me peace. I rejoiced in the fact that I was His child and that He loved me.
As time went on, I struggled with assurance of salvation. Fear and worry plagued me. I had a hard time getting hold of faith and trusting God. Sometimes at night I would wake up with panic attacks and with a real fear of the unknown. I remember asking Ben to lay hands on me, plead the blood of Jesus and rebuke Satan away. As he did this, I could rest again. I could not understand why all this was happening to me because I knew I was a Christian. I just accepted it as normal or as a part of the Christian life. I went on like this for about twelve more years, not knowing the freedom of complete liberty in Jesus.
My life was filled with anger, frustration, fear and depression. At times I was afraid I would lose self-control and that Satan would get me to do things I would regret. Without knowing it, these frustrations were showing up in our children. I pondered at times, “Why are my children unhappy?” I made myself believe that they were happy and secure. I would pray my heart out and tell God I want to completely live for Him and serve Him. Sometimes I would feel better and then other times the feeling of fear and condemnation would come upon me. When the boys would go out to play, I struggled with the fear that something would happen to them.
Ben
In the midst of all this, we moved to Lancaster County so that I could oversee the tape ministry. I could no longer be at home during the day. This brought on more fears and insecurities in Rachel’s life. After a time we began losing our closeness. I realized we were not one in vision and spirit. As the children got older, this started showing in their lives. In the summer of 1999, things got worse. I was going away two or three nights a week caring for my father-in-law. With no time to communicate, we grew further apart. I began to realize our home and marriage were in critical condition.
During the next year, I got desperate before God. He immediately began doing a work in my heart. The Lord showed me that I had lost my first love. As I repented of this and experienced His grace and forgiveness, God began a deeper work in my life. I realized and confessed that I did not know how to be a father and a husband. I started becoming more earnest in my prayers and supplications. I was brought face to face with my own weaknesses and undisciplined habits. As I looked at the magnitude of not just a few failings, but an on-going pattern, I almost despaired. However, in prayer and desperation I told God, “For the sake of my family—I will lay myself on the cross and bear whatever pain, shame, and agony is needed to bring salvation and healing to our home.” As God poured grace in my life, I found brokenness repeatedly. I realized He did not need to do this. However, in His great love and mercy He chose to have mercy on us.
God continued giving me victory over anger and frustration when things went wrong at home and at work. Zac Poonen’s message, The Paths of Righteousness, gave me fresh courage and faith. God revealed to me that there were generational strongholds in Rachel’s life. When praying I seemed to come against a wall. This brought more desperate prayers. During this time, God healed me of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I was so weak and tired, and I could hardly function. I am convinced that this healing came because I dealt with my sin and my cold heart. I received the strength and energy of a young man.
I was able to go to Leadership Seminar and soak in everything God had for me. On Friday morning, Brother Denny brought his teaching on the Holy Spirit down to practical levels, challenging us to live these things out in everyday life. I felt the need and burden to go to prayer at break time. As I went, I met Brother Denny and asked if he would have time to go with me. We prayed in faith, asking God to loose the chains and break down the strongholds in Rachel’s life. After this God revealed to me that Rachel was bound and controlled by the spirit of fear. I cannot explain how God revealed this to me. I had never read any books, or engaged in any spiritual warfare. Once this was revealed, God began to work quickly.
Rachel
One day that which I greatly feared happened. I awoke one morning to find the boys missing. They were not in their beds. I told Ben, and we looked everywhere trying to find them. We did not find them until that afternoon. They had read an ad in the paper that a local horse stable needed help cleaning out stalls in the morning and evening. They knew we were in the process of buying property and wanted to do their part and make some money. After asking for a job, they went different places, the library, pet store, etc. As the hours ticked by, I was plagued with fear repeatedly.
Through this whole ordeal, God brought me to the end of myself. I saw that I could not control things in my life and my family any longer.
God in His great mercy saw that I had had enough. The hour of my deliverance had come. (My eyes are filled even now, as I am writing this. I feel His presence of love within me.) Praise God! A few days later, I saw the unhappy look in my sons’ eyes. My mother heart hurt as I felt what they were feeling. I told Ben, “We need help.” I was thinking that the boys need help, but God knew who needed help. We went to Brother Denny’s home that evening. I thought we would just get some counseling, but Brother Denny knew and saw deeper into my life then what I realized. He started asking questions. I was so ashamed, and yet I was glad to finally get some help. During the counseling session, I repented and confessed my pride, rebellion against authorities, frustrations, fears and depression. Many of these were generational bondages passed down through the family. I renounced them and asked God to break these chains in my life. In the name of Jesus, they were broken that night. I renounced witchcraft and all of its influence in my life in Jesus’ name. I had been taken to a powwow doctor a few times in my childhood. This is the same as a witch doctor in heathen lands, and it brings the influence of tormenting spirits into a person’s life.
That day Jesus set me free, and praise God I am still free today, one year later. All my fears are gone. My condemnation is gone. The burden of trying to please God on my own merits is gone. I have given up the fight, and God is in control of my life. I cannot believe the difference. I can go to meetings and not feel condemned. I have such a peace I never knew a person could have. I love to sit and soak in the Word of God. When people would give their testimonies of being free from bondage, I was always under conviction. Now I know what they were experiencing. I am free to live for Christ.
Ben
When we came home from counseling, the children met us at the door with smiling faces. Rachel’s comment afterward was that she could not believe the peace that was in our home. The whole atmosphere had changed.
A day or so later, when gathering together for the evening meal, Rachel made the comment, “Praise the Lord. I’m free. I’m not in prison anymore.” I overheard Ryan, our oldest son, saying, “I’m still in prison.”
That evening, as I was putting the boys to bed, I put my hands on them, prayed against all the evil influences in their lives and claimed them for Jesus. I prayed with Nicholas, our youngest son, first and then went to Ryan’s room and did the same. I especially prayed against any evil spirits and influences that he might have received before God brought him into our home. After praying, I asked him about the comment he had made earlier. He said he wants to be free and become a Christian. I led him through in prayer and confession. Afterwards it was a joy to see the smile on his face. After this I went to Nicholas, as he wanted me to lie down with him. When Rachel came into Ryan’s room to say goodnight, he told her what had happened. As they were rejoicing together, Nicholas asked what had happened.
After I told him, he was quiet for a while. I sensed heaviness on his spirit. Thinking he was troubled about the happenings a few days ago. I asked him if anything is wrong. He said, “I want to be saved and have my sins forgiven.” After leading him in prayer, all was quiet. Suddenly he said, “I’m so happy. I feel so good.” Rachel and Ryan came into the room. We all rejoiced together. Nicholas got the songbooks, and we ended up in our bedroom singing praises to God. God is ruling in my home now. Praise His wonderful name!
Rachel
I still have a long way to go, but life is so different. When trials come, I do not go down in defeat like I used to go, but rather I can freely go to the great God who has won the victory over my trials. I have Jesus, full and free. Satan comes and says this was all a myth and that I am not free, but I never once give into any doubt. I know deliverance is real.
God has taught me many things since that day. It is such a joy to be taught of God. He has shown me the powerful influence a mother can have in her home. I never truly knew what it meant to be a submissive wife. Before it was so hard, and now it is my delight to do what my husband thinks is best. I no longer want to rule my house. My prayer life has also taken on new meaning. I sometimes felt my prayers were not heard. I now have the witness of God within me, and I feel secure in His love.
My prayer and desire for all who may read this testimony is this: If anyone is living with anger, frustrations and defeat in the Christian life, you can be free. If you think, “This is normal. Everybody lives with these temptations,” you are wrong. You do not have to be this way. What God did for me, He will do for you. He is not a respecter of persons. I had to lay down a whole life of pride and confusion in repentance. I wanted everybody to think I was all right. On the outside, I looked good, but my inside needed a cleansing. Satan will try to make you believe you are all right; don’t believe him. If God shows you areas in your life that are not right, please respond to Him.
Ben
Now, these many months later, I still marvel and am awestruck at what God has done and is still doing. We are but human and often fail, but as we learn to chose God’s way in all areas and not our own. God’s grace and power is there to overcome the evil one and all his tactics. May the name of the Lord Jesus Christ be exalted and magnified.
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength
of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? One thing have I desired
of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in
the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold
the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.
Psalm 27:1&4
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