A Change of Allegiance
Dean...
Two times in my life I have seen my father cry. The first was when I was I was 7 years old, and he told me that his father died. The second was when I told him I was seeking discharge from the U.S. Army as a conscientious objector. As a child growing up in Texas, my only brother and I were raised to believe in God, but we were also raised with a deep sense of patriotism. My earliest memories include family vacations to the Alamo, Confederate battlegrounds, and other such nationally venerable sites. I immensely enjoyed these excursions, and I remember feeling very proud of my American heritage.
Throughout my childhood years, my family attended a Methodist church, and in
my early teens, I started attending a Baptist church. My interests
in school were predominantly in music, and I kept very busy
playing in the band and singing in various choral groups. My
parents were the type who came to everything I did, and I thank
the Lord for the loving, affirming atmosphere in which I was
raised. On Nov. 12, 1986, I left my childhood home and headed
off to the U.S. Army.
Tania...
At the age of 19, eluding gunfire, land mines, and checkpoints, my father made his escape from Hungary to the United States during the Communist takeover of 1956. Seeing both his father and grandfather carried off to Siberian concentration camps, and experiencing a childhood marred by the atrocities of warfare, he was determined that this legacy would not continue with him. He had experienced the damage of a totalitarian takeover, so he was always very zealous to train in me a sense of duty to stand against such foes as he and his family had suffered under.
Amnesty International helped to relocate my father to Dallas, Texas, and secured him a job as a machinist, although he spoke no English. A few years later, he met my mother, and not long after, they were married. My mother was the spiritual anchor of our home. She taught us children (myself and my two younger brothers) to love God and to fear His Word. Religious radio and TV were a common part of our everyday lives. Christian TV had a particularly powerful influence in my life. As I watched testimonials of salvation and great miracles, I remember how my heart would long after the Lord. I had given my heart to Him, yet, I had so many ups and downs in my walk with the Lord. Over many years, I slowly departed from Him in my heart. Eventually I fell into the deceptive mindset of “easy-believism,” and I suffered much in my faith due to my indifference. Looking back, I feel I neglected to “keep my heart with all diligence.” Although I always had a prayer relationship with the Lord, the Lord Himself warns us, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 7:21a). It wasn’t until years later that the Lord allowed me to wake up out of my stupor.
Like Dean, I was also very involved in music, and it was in the high school band that we first met. Six years later, we were married and started our life together in Germany, where Dean was stationed. Exactly one year later, I joined the Army and had to return to the States for eight long months of training, never seeing Dean even once during that time. The day I left for Basic Training was the saddest day of my life. Looking back on it, I think I must have been crazy. Here I was a new wife and, instead of building a godly home, I was off throwing grenades, shooting machine guns, and rapelling down 60-feet-high towers in combat boots.
After such a long separation, I finally arrived back in Germany to join Dean. We experienced a sweet reunion and enjoyed working and traveling together in the band, after such a long separation. But the Lord was already working in our hearts, calling us out, even out of a job that was (in the flesh) extremely rewarding.
Dean...
In the Army band we performed many types of music, some worse than others. Eventually, we both started to sing in an official U.S. Army rock band. During that time, we were members of a Baptist Church off base. They did not mind us being in the rock band, because they felt it was being done “for the troops.” As a child I never really had a taste for rock music, but the church that I went to often took us to “Christian” rock concerts, and I eventually developed a taste for it. After acquiring a taste for “Christian” rock, it didn’t take much to make the transition to secular rock. In the rock band, Tania and I always said there were some songs we would not do because of our convictions. Looking back, I now see we were merely attempting to appease our consciences. The music we were taking part in was often of a sensual and wicked nature, and we both shudder as we realize how deluded we had become.
Tania...
One of the tools I believe God used to help pull us out of our “deluding spirit” was having us move to a house in a valley that could not pick up TV reception. This was strangely painful for me. It was as though I was breaking intimate fellowship and daily communion with an old friend. I really wonder where we would be today, if God had not taken this ungodly influence and desire out of our lives.
Dean...
Since we had no TV, we naturally had more time to read. For the first time in our marriage, we began to dig into the Word of God together, and it was such an exciting time. I look back on that time with wonder. Night after night, it seemed the Lord was showing us something new. I felt an illumination from God. As the Lord began revealing His light, we were never able to return to our old ways of thinking. We also fell under severe conviction of sin during that time. The Lord was daily showing us areas in our lives that needed to change. The first thing that God really pressed on our hearts was the rock music.
Tania...
During this time, Dean and I read a biography called No Compromise. It seemed that the title and the message “no compromise” really struck a chord with us. Our band had entered its busiest season, and we were traveling extensively around Europe. When we weren’t on duty, we had been booking private engagements in the local pubs with the rock band. It was during this time we both felt a stern calling from God to repent of that lifestyle and give our lives fully to Him. We both vividly remember one night above all the others as the real turning point of our lives. We fell under such a severe conviction of sin that we dropped to our knees in a hotel room. We felt so very burdened by our compromising lives. We both knew the truth; it had settled down over our hearts, and we trembled with fear. We knew we had to either choose God or choose the world—but trying to have both was impossible. Thanks be to God! That night we felt the Holy Spirit reach down and pick us up, right where we were, as we surrendered our lives totally to God. It is a night we will never forget.
Dean...
The first thing we did when we got back home was to resign from the rock band. Our commander did not resist this much, since there were always plenty of people waiting for an opportunity to get in. However, we could see a look of concern in his eyes and sensed his worry that we might be getting too radical.
As we were joyously discovering new light, we had both been sharing our newfound convictions with another married couple in the band, Rick and Dawn Shirley. The Lord was also at work in their lives, and we were experiencing a great time of revival together. Rick also chose to resign from the rock band. The four of us started to have regular Bible studies together, and they were powerful!
One night, while reading through the Sermon on the Mount with Tania, the Lord really opened our eyes. When we got to Matthew 5:44, we had to stop. It said, “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you”.
We said, “What are we going to do about this? Is God telling us to leave the Army?”
We tried to ignore it at first, but the Lord kept pressing it in on our hearts. I was just back from armorer school and was newly promoted to sergeant. We had decided to make the Army a career…but now this! We really thought that we must be crazy. We did not know of anyone who believed like this. The first thing I did was read a book written by the Chief Army Chaplin in Washington D.C., on the “Just War Theory.” I read the book with great expectation, hoping to better understand how this theory made sense biblically. However, by the time I got to the end of that book, I knew that I could never again embrace the “Just War Theory.” It was also becoming clear to me that we had a difficult path ahead of us, and there would be no easy answers. To top all of this off, the Persian Gulf War was just heating up, and patriotic emotions were soaring.
Tania...
Needless to say, these times were full of anxiety and fear for us. We had no idea that you could legally request to be discharged from the service based on legitimate, personal convictions. We had mistakenly thought that our only choices were to run away (“go AWOL,” as we called it) or face imprisonment. Furthermore, we were lambasted daily by the military media, playing up the ill fate of those who had chosen to run away.
The Shirleys were as convinced as we were that they could no longer participate in the war with a clear conscience, and we drew together in prayer to seek God for deliverance. Thus, God led us to a few books that really helped us, e.g.: The Pilgrim Church, The Martyrs Mirror, How Christians Made Peace With War, and Will the Real Heretic Please Stand Up? These books helped to sharpen our convictions and confirm that, indeed, God had been leading us, and we needed to continue in this path. It was reassuring to see, historically, that the early Christians and the persecuted Christians throughout all the ages, had believed just as we did.
Dean...
Once again, God brought a book across our path that further solidified our conviction. The book was called, He Came Preaching Peace. For the first time ever, we heard clear teaching on the “Two-Kingdom Theory.” We now saw clearly that Jesus taught that there are two kingdoms: the kingdom of this world and the kingdom of heaven. Jesus said that His servants were not to be citizens of a worldly kingdom, but rather that we are citizens of a heavenly kingdom. We searched the Scriptures and were amazed at how beautifully the truth came together. Our alliance was to God, not to men; we were to be about the business of our heavenly Father, to do His bidding, and to not entangle ourselves in the affairs of the world. Suddenly, all of Jesus’ words could be applied realistically in our lives, and not merely talked about. Before, there had been so many inconsistencies with Jesus’ words and what we had been taught about war. How freeing it was to lean on Jesus, and take Him at His Word!
At that point we contacted the publisher of the book and asked if they had any recommendations on how we might get counsel concerning our situation. They forwarded our letter to a Mennonite group working in Germany, who became very instrumental in helping us with the CO (Conscientious Objector) process.
Tania...
Another day that will remain forever engraved upon our minds is the day of the “Deadly-Force Briefing.” The war had started, and the commander sat the whole unit down and informed us that the time had come to lay aside our musical duties and take up arms. I remember our commander looking right at Dean and stressing, “If anyone comes in here, you will use deadly force to stop them, if necessary.”
We knew the time had come. Immediately following the briefing, the four of us met in the music library; we got down on our knees and prayed. Without delay, we methodically got up from our knees, gathered our paperwork, and started a single-file line to the commander’s office. That march up the stairs seemed like a thousand miles, and will always remain “frozen in time” in my memory. We entered the commander’s office, stood at attention, and saluted. Dean then presented the commander with the paperwork, and announced to him the news that we were initiating the request for CO status. The commander hardly uttered a word, but a distinct sentiment of disapproval was clearly communicated in his grave countenance. We then crossed the threshold into an eight month long season of intense trials, persecutions, and spiritual growth in the Lord, like we had never before experienced.
Dean...
When the CO process is started, there are several different hurdles the military puts you through. In each hurdle, we were required to stand on our own. The first hurdle required submitting our convictions in written form, in addition to answering an extensive battery of questions. We marveled at the acrobatics displayed in the questioning, which presented just about every twist and angle on the position of nonresistance you could imagine. When completed, this packet was sent to the Pentagon, where it was analyzed for inconsistencies and, ultimately, assessed for sincerity. The rigors of this first hurdle really challenged us, and yet, we were so grateful for the opportunity to give a testimony of our faith.
The next hurdle required an interview with an Army chaplain. This went surprisingly well. After I shared my convictions with him for about an hour, I asked him if, with all that he knew of the Bible, he could really look me straight in the eye and tell me that I was wrong. He said he could not.
Following the chaplain’s interview was our consultation with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist’s only purpose in this process was supposed to be assessing whether we were competent to stand trial. Yet, I believe, in my case, the lady had a personal ax to grind. As soon as I sat down in her office she said, “I’ve got you all figured out!” She then began to probe, asking if I believed in paying taxes, and I told her that I did. She went on to say that I was inconsistent with my convictions. She said that the fact that I did not want to support the war but I did want to pay taxes proved that I was inconsistent. I told her that I lived by the teachings of the Bible, and that the Bible told me to love my enemies and pay my taxes. I told her that I didn’t always have to understand it, but I was expected to obey it. At that point she became very irate and started to hurl all sorts of questions at me, for which the Holy Spirit gave me answers. Finally, with much frustration, she shouted that I had no right to lecture her on the Bible, and proceeded to list for me her many credentials, which ended with, “…and I’ll have you know I’m a card-carrying Methodist!” I was still trembling as I walked out of her office, but I am confident the Lord had a reason for allowing me to undergo her ruthless grilling.
Tania...
The final stretch of the road was probably the most intimidating hurdle of all. We each had to stand trial, individually. This was a court hearing, where an investigative officer was assigned to interrogate us about every imaginable facet of nonresistance. Witnesses were even brought in from our unit to testify of our sincerity.
The counselors who were helping us through the whole process had given us a little book that was supposed to help us prepare how to answer in the court hearing. We discussed it amongst ourselves and remembered what the Bible says, “But when they shall lead you, and deliver you up, take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost” (Mark 13:11). So, we threw ourselves on the promise of God and decided not to study beforehand what to say.
Dean...
God graciously fulfilled His promise, and we were each able to answer with confidence and power, which was not of our own! We were presented with every manner of, “What would you do if…” case-scenarios. We were drilled on numerous topics, such as persecution, tyranny, Hitler, previous wars, robbery, harm to family members, hunting, etc.
Following our hearings, we left in suspense, knowing nothing of our fate. It was to be four more months until we would be given an answer. Standard military procedure mandated that we not be required to serve in any capacity that might violate our conviction; hence, we were dismissed from our usual duties and assigned an assortment of menial jobs while awaiting the results of our requests.
Finally, eight months after our initial applications were submitted, we were notified that our papers were on the commander’s desk. The same officer who had conducted our hearings met with us in a tiny office upstairs. Once we were all in, he instructed us to shut the door. As we stood there in anticipation, we could see the four manila envelopes sitting on his desk. He informed us that the process was completed, and that the results were in. But then he put us to a curious test. He asked us if we still wanted to leave the Army. He said that since the war was long over, we could still, at this point, choose to stay in our jobs, the results would simply be discarded, and all would be forgotten. He encouraged us further that, although it might be embarrassing for a while, eventually people would forget it ever happened, and we could go on happily with our military careers. We didn’t even need to look at one another. We simply told him that we were firm on our convictions, and that we still wanted to follow through, no matter what the consequences.
His reply surprised us a bit. He said he was glad to hear our response, and that we had each been granted a CO release with Honorable Discharges. But then something miraculous happened. He leaned forward, as if to confide in us, and we’ll never forget the words: “I wanted to tell you something before you go… I, too, am now leaving the Army for the very same reasons.” Words could not express the joy within our hearts at that moment. It was such a confirmation that the Lord had truly been with us every step of the way, and had even brought about a mighty miracle! We just rejoiced in the Lord!
Not long after that, we were released. Returning to the States and forever leaving the comforts of our nice military way of life was not easy. It was the only life we had ever known as a married couple. Yet, we can truly say that the joy of the Lord was ever with us, and His presence was particularly near to us during those days of uncertainty.
As we sought God for His direction, He continued to work even more miracles, cleansings, and teachings in our lives. We were tempted to fear that we would never find like-minded fellowship anywhere, but within days of our return, the Lord had already directed us to the fellowship that we were to be a part of for the next 11 years, until we moved to Pennsylvania. While every step of the way was not perfect in those 11 years, we saw the hand of the Lord in countless mighty ways, and we just rejoice that He gave us such dear fellowship all those years.
Believing that we had experienced a clear conversion, we were rebaptized on Resurrection Sunday, 1992. Since then, we decided to allow God to bless our home with children, and Tania conceived our first child that year. God has blessed us with five beautiful children since then: Stephen (9), Stephana (7), Christian (5), Christina (3), and Joanna (1). How we praise God for revealing His truth in this area and blessing our home with these precious gifts!
On this journey we have made many mistakes. Yet, the Lord is still so merciful and long-suffering. His loving-kindness never fails. He has gently shown us our errors along the way, and we have learned to fear getting our eyes off of Him. He alone is our rock and salvation. We praise Him for this revelation to our hearts and minds. It is our testimony that the Lord’s mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness! Sometimes Tania and I feel we are slow learners, but praise God, today we can truthfully say with Paul, in II Timothy 1:12, “... For I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.”
Dean works on the editorial staff of The Remnant and Tania helps with copyediting.
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